At Finestein, Linestein & Franken...
we know justice is blind.

Who can we sue for you TODAY?

     You may already be a victim and not even know it!  Can you answer “yes” to any of the
below categories?

  Do you have occasional aches or pains?
  Has anyone ever been mean to you?
  Has someone of the opposite sex made advances to you?
  Have you ever had to work too hard?
  Have you ever suffered a stressful kind of day?
  Have you experienced a moment of mental anguish over a bill?
  Has Howard Stern ever offended you?

R. Milhouse Finestein
Senior Partner

A message from our founder

     I am R. Milhouse Finestein and I will fight for your rights.  Let's face it, in this day and age people can't be expected to be responsible for their own condition. That's why we have insurance companies. 

     Your incompetence and clumsiness could be worth a gold mine! Why try to avoid trouble when the very disasters you get into could support you for the rest of your life? Together we can make it worth your while to be sickly, injured and even maimed.

     Do not hesitate to call us at:          1-800-VICTIMS

     Time is important. Make that call now. Don't fight with feelings of guilt and inadequacy! Put the blame where it belongs! Hang the responsibility on those who can best afford to pay.

Call now!

Finestein, Linestein & Franken
Charter Building Suite 1001
1234 Hospital Ave.
Metropolis, USA 10101-1001

Phone 1-800-VICTIMS


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“feelings of guilt and inadequacy”

“The only lowest common denominator of all civilizations and the only psychological force capable of producing these perversions is morality, the concept of right and wrong. 

“We have swallowed all manner of poisonous certainties fed us by our parents, our Sunday and day school teachers, our politicians, our priests, our newspapers, and others with a vested interest in controlling us.  'Thou shalt become as gods, knowing good and evil,' good and evil with which to keep children under control, with which to impose local and familial and national loyalties and with which to blind children to their glorious intellectual heritage....  The results, the inevitable results, are frustration, inferiority, neurosis and inability to enjoy living, to reason clearly or to make a world fit to live in. If the race is to be freed from its crippling burden of good and evil it must be psychiatrists who take the original responsibility.”

      G. Brock Chisholm - Head of the World Federation for Mental Health

(Sorry folks - but this quote is no joke)

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